I Touch Myself

I was going through my e-mails in my gmail inbox today, deleting old threads, sorting others into categories and labelling those I want to keep (yes, I am anal to the point of needing therapy), when I came across something that I just have to share with you. We all get bizarre spam messages, right? You know the kind: enhance your sexual performance / increase the size of your penis / introducing a new cure for some unspeakable condition, etc etc. Sometimes we get them delivered straight to our inboxes, with our names in the subject line.

Then there is the e-mail that is not spam, but you dearly wish it was. The kind that comes when you sign up to an online dating site, because you're tired of never meeting women as you're always going out with the same bunch of friends. You say in your profile that you're straight - of course you do. But you also put up a few pics that are a little, um, sensual perhaps...pics that are meant to lure the ladies in by means of your six pack and well defined chest/arms.

Of course, this is risky, because there is always one person who will see past the chick-bait and assume your photos are evidence of unexpressed desires:

Hi X
Hope this doesn't offend you....

I'm Colin.Currently seeking fit uninhibited guys who want to earn spare time cash in hand (£160) for 1.5 hours modelling nude for photos & solo wank videos in London.

I give free photos to all models of themselves. References can be provided on request.

It's posing solo with erection & cum shots while watching hardcore porno. It's for an upcoming adult solo male nudes website I want to put together.

Take a look at my profile for sample photos of models.

If you'd be interested to know more, see recent samples of my work etc you can contact me on msn messenger.

Needless to say, my friend declined Colin's kind offer. If you're a pervy narcissist, however, this might be your dream job. If this sounds like you, IM me and I'll track down the lusty Colin for you.