Our internet has been down since Saturday, so I've been unable to squeeze in a weekend post. We're in the middle of changing service providers, and due to some mix up between both companies and the people who own our phone line, our new router was despatched, stopped mid-delivery and returned to sender. It now has to be despatched again, so if we're lucky we'll be online by this weekend, if not, Monday next week. You should hear all of us whinging and moaning about not having internet - it's no longer a luxury but a necessity that we struggling to live without. In an effort to support Shoes' new addiction to ebay (I introduced him a while ago, and now he can't stay off it), we even resorted to hooking up his mobile to the pc to act as a modem. It works, but in the barest sense - it's slower than ADSL in South Africa, and that's saying something!
Speaking of mix-ups, I have a rather fabulous rant about a situation in which we found ourselves last week. I say fabulous with a wry smile, rather than with smoke coming out of my ears and daggers out of my eyes, as this particular Stupid People Situation (SPS) was all Shoes, and for a change I didn't have to spend hours on the phone with a peep touting as much intelligence as Jacob Zuma and his wash-away AIDS shower. Two weeks ago, he ordered a new keyboard and mouse online - our old one was more like a laptop keyboard, which, as anyone with a laptop knows, is badly designed and conducive to highly inaccurate typing. So, after much searching (he has become quite the online shopaholic lately), he found the perfect keyboard and placed his order. It was due to arrive in 3 working days, so the Tuesday after last weekend. On Tuesday, Shoes checked the tracking number and discovered that the package had been loaded into the City Link delivery van (yes, I fully intend the name and shame) and taken to receiver and that receiver had then been carded. We had not in fact received notification of any kind, but we left it for the next day, thinking perhaps they'd try again and drop it off with our concierge office, which is the standard way to deliver packages to anyone in our complex. Shoes checked again after coming back from work the next day, and discovered exactly the same message online - the package had been loaded, driven to receiver and receiver had been carded. Still no card, still no package. So he phoned them, and the following conversation ensued:
Shoes: Hi there, I'm phoning about a package that was supposed to be delivered to me yesterday. It didn't arrive and the online tracking says we were carded, but we weren't. I think you....
City Link Rep: (interrupting) Were you at home?
Shoes: Excuse me? No I was at work, but we have a conci....
City Link Rep: (interrupting again) If you weren't at home, that's why you didn't get your package. Is there anything else I can help you with? (said in a distinctly unhelpful tone)
Shoes: No, you see, I'm trying to tell you, we have a concierge office, and usually delivery companies take packages straight over there and....
City Link Rep: (interrupting yet again) Yes ok, I made a note; is there anything else I can help you with?
Shoes: I'd just like to make sure that you know where to take it. They'll sign for it at the concierge and I'll come...
City Link Rep: (interrupting once more, and a little louder this time): I already told you I made a note. What more do you want? Is there anything else I can help you with?
Shoes: I AM JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHERE TO TAKE THE PACKAGE, IS IT SO HARD TO LISTEN TO A FULL SENTENCE AND WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE THE PACKAGE TO THE CONCIERGE LIKE EVERY OTHER BLOODY DELIVERY COMPANY IN LONDON, WHY IS THIS SO HIGHER GRADE?!!?!?!? (snort, huff puff, steam)
City Link Rep: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Shoes: hangs up
So the next day Shoes gets home to find that the package has still not arrived. I get home from work to find him in a state of apoplexy, and when I have managed to calm him down, this is the lowdown he gives me on the conversation with the City Link depot:
Shoes: (reigning himself in, in preparation for battle) Hi there, I am phoning about a package that was supposed to be delivered to me two days ago. I spoke to someone at your depot yesterday who INFORMED me that they would make a note about delivering it to our concierge office, as you had mistakenly been trying to deliver it to our door when no-one was home. Can you please check on the status of this package - it has still not arrived, and the guy I spoke to yesterday was quite adamant that he'd made a note, and that this would sort it out.
City Link Rep (a woman this time): Yes sir, one moment please.... (checks records) Aah, yes. I'm afraid, sir, that there has been a change to the order.
Shoes: What?
City Link Rep: Yes sir, the order is no longer the same as it was originally. A note has been made, and this changes the order.
Shoes: (blood pressure rising alarmingly fast) But I did not change my order. I merely issued instructions on where to deliver the package.
City Link rep: Yes sir, yes you did, but that means the order is now changed. We can't deliver a package once an order has been changed.
Shoes: No you don't understand - all I want is for this package to be dropped off at my concierge instead of on my doorstep - there is no change to the package, or to my address, or to my order, or anything - please can you just have it dropped off AT THE CONCIERGE! Why can we not do this?
City Link Rep: Sir, I'm very sorry, but this package will have to be returned to sender (insert: the head office for this pc company is in Manchester). Once it is with them, you can liaise with them to issue delivery instructions.
Shoes: (now approaching brain hemmorage) But YOU ARE THE DELIVERY COMPANY, NOT THEM! IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM! IT COMES IN YOUR DELIVERY VAN - WHY CAN YOU NOT DELIVER MY PACKAGE TO THE CONCIERGE LIKE EVERY OTHER COMPANY IN THIS GODDAM COUNTRY?
City Link Rep: Yes sir, I know it's hard. It's very hard. I'm sorry it's so difficult.
Shoes: HARD? WHAT'S HARD? READING INSTRUCTIONS IS HARD? FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS IS HARD? IS EVERYONE THERE DYSLEXIC AND RETARDED (or rough approximations of this - he's not quite sure what he said, but it was vehement!)?!!?!??!
City Link Rep: Perhaps if you catch the manufacturer before we send the package back and get them to phone us, it won't have to go back? You have 2 days.
Shoes: (close to tears of frustration) 2 DAYS?????? BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SPEAK TO THEM? WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO SAY? AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, WHY CAN'T YOU PHONE THEM?
City Link Rep: I don't know sir, but that's the way it is. I know how hard this is for you.
Shoes: (seething with a rage heretofore unknown) NO, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA!!!
(hangs up)
We eventually went through the next evening to fetch the keyboard in person. We refrained from attempting to get a refund on our postage. :-)
HEEEERE'S YOUR SIGN!
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3 comments:
This just echo's my wonderful experiences with ordering things online. Once I ordered a monitor in Ireland that took 3 weeks to get to me after I paid for priority next day shipping. After countless hours on the phone and many calls and lies later, the story was that they lost the order. They had no reason as to why. They just didn't know where it was. Courier companies in this country and most others need a fat kick up the arse. I think there should be laws passed to make sure that if they don't deliver on time, they have to give you a full refund. That's the only thing that'll make a difference in this situation because they don't really give a shit about you, as long as they can get away with it.
Next time tell Shoesies to get hold of the manager and really give him a piece of his mind.
There are too many retards in disguise in this world. Honestly...
-end of rant
Maybe we need laws whereby all stupid people incidents are graded. Then, if a stupid persaon does something which falls below a particular grade, they get despatched from society, in one form or another....
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