I had a rather panicked e-mail this morning from Shoes' sister in response to yesterday's post. Black Velvet (so named because she is completely horse mad) said some very sweet things, including that we are her "relationship heroes." This isn't the first time she's said that to me, but it certainly makes me feel warm and tingly all over anyway (and perhaps ready to start cashing in on self-help books - move over Dr Phil!). She says she believes the following is the secret of our success, and I quote: you don't have unrealistic views of each other, and you don't put unrealistic demands on each other, which in my opinion is one of the things that can break a relationship. Alot of the time people tend to want their partners to fullfil every aspect of their lives and be everything to them, this to me is unrealistic, one person cannot fulfill every need in another person.
Interesting. And, in our case, very true. We've never looked to the other one to complete our happiness, rather just to add to a part of it. Perhaps this is why we find our relationship, for the most part, very easy. Earlier this year, we came face to face with our biggest hurdle when, for the first time in almost 7 years, we questioned whether or not we were meant to be together. It's something I had believed whole-heartedly since I'd met him. To wake up after so long and realise that not one, but both of you has doubts about whether you actually want this, is terrifying, to say the least. After some soul searching, honest conversations and a period of mourning the loss of the fairytale (yes kids, it took me 27 years to realise that soulmates don't exist and that it is possible to find happiness with more than one person on this earth), we found our way through and came out the other side with a sense of humour - to this day my most integral aspect to any relationship. If you can't laugh at it, you might kill it, and then where would you be?
But what Velvet said rings very true with me - There is nothing wrong with being content with what you have, if what you have works and makes you both happy. Girls grow up hearing stories of Cinderella and dream about finding their Prince Charming. Long ago, I cast aside that idea when I first got burned by love, and decided Princes don't exist - just decent guys who try their best. But looking at what I have with Shoes; there's nothing else I want or need in a man that I don't have in him. And if that's not a Prince Charming, then what is?
What this really boils down to is a suspicion that there's something else going on that I'm missing, simply because I'm just not usually this lucky. There are always people in life who have it easy - some are born into money, some are whip smart and carve out amazing careers with what seems like very little effort and some are incredibly talented. I'm probably never going to be wealthy (ok, wealthy - who's kidding who here; I suppose I might never pay off my credit card debt, that's more realistic), I'm never going to have a career that will put me in the history books and I don't have any outstanding talents that could make the world sit up and take notice. But I have this relationship that outshines everything else in my life with the grace and smoothness with which it flows. 90% of the time, at least. And if that's not having it easy, then I don't know what is..... Besides, one should never look a gift horse in the mouth, right?
Interesting. And, in our case, very true. We've never looked to the other one to complete our happiness, rather just to add to a part of it. Perhaps this is why we find our relationship, for the most part, very easy. Earlier this year, we came face to face with our biggest hurdle when, for the first time in almost 7 years, we questioned whether or not we were meant to be together. It's something I had believed whole-heartedly since I'd met him. To wake up after so long and realise that not one, but both of you has doubts about whether you actually want this, is terrifying, to say the least. After some soul searching, honest conversations and a period of mourning the loss of the fairytale (yes kids, it took me 27 years to realise that soulmates don't exist and that it is possible to find happiness with more than one person on this earth), we found our way through and came out the other side with a sense of humour - to this day my most integral aspect to any relationship. If you can't laugh at it, you might kill it, and then where would you be?
But what Velvet said rings very true with me - There is nothing wrong with being content with what you have, if what you have works and makes you both happy. Girls grow up hearing stories of Cinderella and dream about finding their Prince Charming. Long ago, I cast aside that idea when I first got burned by love, and decided Princes don't exist - just decent guys who try their best. But looking at what I have with Shoes; there's nothing else I want or need in a man that I don't have in him. And if that's not a Prince Charming, then what is?
What this really boils down to is a suspicion that there's something else going on that I'm missing, simply because I'm just not usually this lucky. There are always people in life who have it easy - some are born into money, some are whip smart and carve out amazing careers with what seems like very little effort and some are incredibly talented. I'm probably never going to be wealthy (ok, wealthy - who's kidding who here; I suppose I might never pay off my credit card debt, that's more realistic), I'm never going to have a career that will put me in the history books and I don't have any outstanding talents that could make the world sit up and take notice. But I have this relationship that outshines everything else in my life with the grace and smoothness with which it flows. 90% of the time, at least. And if that's not having it easy, then I don't know what is..... Besides, one should never look a gift horse in the mouth, right?
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