I have decided I am becoming too English. I sent a group e-mail back home last week, and as usual, it was a fairly long-winded one - I'm unable to stop talking even when I know I must be boring the shit out of my audience; I think it's a mutant gene. Anyway, in that e-mail, I spent 5 out 6 (very long) paragraphs complaining. Now the English, they love a good moan - it's a national sport here, with almost as many fans as football. They're bloody good at it too - no one can have an entire conversation containing as much negativity as the English. The weather (although they do secretly love the torrential downpours), the transport system, the Polish, the crowds, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, BBC's choice of movies, any and all national celebrities, the Royals, housing prices, anything to with Princess Diana - I could go on. I think during my time here I have been subconsciously absorbing this astounding ability, as evidenced in my e-mail, where upon reviewing it before I pushed send, I realised I hadn't said a single positive thing in about 400 words.
This is just unacceptable. I am South African, therefore I am positive. It's inbred, like the English and their moaning. It's a fact that, despite all that is wrong with our country, the majority of saffas are overwhelmingly positive people, with sunny natures and a friendliness that we are known for across the world. I have decided to get my positivity back. This is my 6 point plan:
1) For every moan or complaint I hear, I have to think of a positive aspect of that topic of conversation, eg. "I'm furious that Al-Queda has planted another bomb in a nightclub." Postive thought: At least they didn't plant it in my house.
2) Assume the patriotic position and sing along with the National Anthem every weekend as our Boks B-side prepares to get creamed by our Antipodean counterparts.
3) Put Spirit Of The Great Heart by Johnny Clegg on my mp3 player, and stop getting teary-eyed on the tube when it plays because it reminds me of Jock of the Bushveld.
4) Say Good Morning, Goodbye, Please, Thank You and How Are You with annoying regularity and chirpiness - this British tradition of not speaking to one another unless it's work-related must begin to feel alien again.
5) Channel Pollyanna - what can I be glad about today? If this proves difficult to habitualise, write it down and stick on pc screen until embarrassment of colleagues' sniggers forces it to become a natural thought process.
6) Embrace my Inner African. Sing Shosholoza rather than Britney Spears when pissed; introduce people to the benefits of pap en vleis (a big fat ass that some celebrities pay money for); pay people in cows when shopping on the high street; take a shower after casual sex so that I don't get H.... what? It wasn't me. ;-P
This is just unacceptable. I am South African, therefore I am positive. It's inbred, like the English and their moaning. It's a fact that, despite all that is wrong with our country, the majority of saffas are overwhelmingly positive people, with sunny natures and a friendliness that we are known for across the world. I have decided to get my positivity back. This is my 6 point plan:
1) For every moan or complaint I hear, I have to think of a positive aspect of that topic of conversation, eg. "I'm furious that Al-Queda has planted another bomb in a nightclub." Postive thought: At least they didn't plant it in my house.
2) Assume the patriotic position and sing along with the National Anthem every weekend as our Boks B-side prepares to get creamed by our Antipodean counterparts.
3) Put Spirit Of The Great Heart by Johnny Clegg on my mp3 player, and stop getting teary-eyed on the tube when it plays because it reminds me of Jock of the Bushveld.
4) Say Good Morning, Goodbye, Please, Thank You and How Are You with annoying regularity and chirpiness - this British tradition of not speaking to one another unless it's work-related must begin to feel alien again.
5) Channel Pollyanna - what can I be glad about today? If this proves difficult to habitualise, write it down and stick on pc screen until embarrassment of colleagues' sniggers forces it to become a natural thought process.
6) Embrace my Inner African. Sing Shosholoza rather than Britney Spears when pissed; introduce people to the benefits of pap en vleis (a big fat ass that some celebrities pay money for); pay people in cows when shopping on the high street; take a shower after casual sex so that I don't get H.... what? It wasn't me. ;-P
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