It's Tuesday afternoon, and I finally feel 100% normal again. I felt a little otherworldly for a while, which is what staying up for 24 hours straight and drinking like there's no tomorrow will to do you. Oh yes, and I haven't even mentioned the obstacle course yet!
We arrived in Scotland at around 10am on Friday, most of us having been up since 6 in order to get to our various departure points. Luckily for me, I flew from London City, which is a half hour's walk/bus ride from my house. It was only once we got to Edinburgh and boarded the coaches for the hour long drive to Gleneagles that we started to get excited.
The hotel itself is gorgeous in a typically British, public school type of way. Think Dead Poet's society, complete with creepers climbing the walls and exotic activities such as Falconry advertised around the grounds. There was even a maze, much to everyone's delight. Plans were made to attempt it in the dark after a few drinks later on, but to my knowledge they never materialised. Everyone was too busy having food fights.
We had a bit of a wait for the crowd who flew from Heathrow's new terminal five. If any of you have been keeping up with the press about that, you'll know it's an absolute balls up, with flights being cancelled or delayed at random. They eventually arrived an hour and half late, which was not too bad, considering I'd previously read a story about a bride who actually missed her own wedding due to the chaos at the airport.
Once everyone was safely inside and had been watered and fed, it was time for speeches. This was the part of the conference where we were supposed to listen, engage and think a bit about the future of our company and what our goals were as a team. In other words, yeah right! We were addressed by our CEO, her deputy and the two senior directors, including Dagwood. What could have been very boring actually turned out to be a funny, cleverly put together presentation that included video clips of staff interviews on all manner of subjects, such as what is our clients' least favourite thing about our company and the top 5 girls and guys - reiminscent of FHM's top 100, but without the bikinis.
After the speeches it was time for class. The theme was Back to School, and our first class of the day was Art. We were divided into teams and given a painting to do. Each team got 5 pieces of canvas which they had to copy, and at the end it was put together to form one giant painting. I was surprised at how therapeutic it felt to paint, having not done so since primary school (unless you count painting my room when I was 16, which was not therapeutic at all, but rather extremely frustrating and painful. Ceilings are not made to be hand-painted).
Then it was on to Sports Day. Still in our teams, we engaged in all sorts of manic races. These ranged from the mundane - sack races, egg & spoon relays and team skiing on wooden planks - to the unusually difficult, including gladiator-style podium combat, life-size fussball and scaling inflatable walls to slide down the other side. We were told to wear trainers for this, but we weren't told it was going to take place in an equestrian hall, which was covered in crumbly mud mixed with obvious horse shit. Almost everyone was in jeans, many were in fancy tops, and alot of the girls were in Ugg boots. I was lucky that mine were very old and very black, and came out looking none the worse for wear. Some other distraught ladies were muttering about compensation for ruined boots, though. They're GENUINE Uggs darling!
After Sports Day, we retreated to the hotel, filthy, smelly and completely elated. It was a brilliant idea for team building, even though several people saw more exercise in two hours than they'd seen in the previous 12 months!
After a shower, it was time to get ready for the dinner party - emphasis on party. Everyone dressed up in their Back to School outfits, and some people went all out. We had an eclectic mix of sports teams, librarians, slutty school girls and teachers, the kids from Fame, Old Skool ravers, the Pink Ladies and even a group of girls who had squeezed into genuine age 13 school dresses. It was fab, the photos are certainly something to behold!
The evening kicked off with pre-dinner drinks and photos in the cocktail lounge, and degenerated from there. By the time we were seated for dinner, Mexican Waves were making their way around the tables and the rolls meant for our soup starters were being ripped to shreds and used for target practice. Sometime during this mayhem, one of our Group Heads managed to mc an Awards Ceremony, in which people were called up to be publicly humiliated. A highlight was one of our Kiwi planners showing us how the New Zealand Haka is really done - and he definitely made his country proud. As people jumped on chairs to give standing ovations and pelted their neighbours with the sweets strewn across the table, the poor waiters attempted to serve us in silver service style. They'd all line up behind our chairs, errant guests ducking and weaving underneath their outstretched arms, and count to three before all simultaneously placing their dishes down on the tables at the same time. They were being jostled and bumped from all directions, and the strain was evident on their faces. Not so my colleagues, who took great delight in running full tilt towards them only to dodge out the way at the last moment, leaving them half paralysed and certainly speechless with shock. I heard one say to another just before main course came out: "This is going to be such a fuck up."
And they were right, it only got worse. Dagwood, dressed in a school nurse outfit complete with curly blonde wig, fishnets and stillettoes, led the main course wars when he picked up one of his bangers from his bangers and mash and propelled it through the air like a missile. That was it - way more banger ended up on the floor and in people's hair than in stomachs. If they didn't want us to behave like 3 year olds, they should not have had a Back to School theme.... although I doubt it would have made a difference.
By the time dessert was served, everyone had pretty much given up all pretence of eating. We were standing in the aisles between tables, preventing the poor waiters from coming anywhere near their destinations with the spotted dick, and dancing to the music over the loudspeakers while snapping away with our cameras. Shortly afterwards we were herded out of the ballroom by some rather stern-faced staff so they could clear up and turn the room into a disco. Out came the tables and up went the flashing lights and disco balls. Bars were set up on either side and barmen were instructed to pour only doubles.
What followed is the predictable carnage whenever drinks and dancing are mixed.... hook-ups, slip-ups, falling over and the odd puking incident. Everyone was steaming drunk and loving every moment. I went to bed sometime around 5, and the latest entry I've heard so far is one guy crawling into his room at 7:45am, just as those who kept their composure were making their way down to the pool for a morning swim.
Despite the incredibly tough journey home - travelling on four hours sleep and a hangover is my new idea of hell - it was a very memorable night and I can only hope that this is not the last we see of them with the take-over imminent.
We arrived in Scotland at around 10am on Friday, most of us having been up since 6 in order to get to our various departure points. Luckily for me, I flew from London City, which is a half hour's walk/bus ride from my house. It was only once we got to Edinburgh and boarded the coaches for the hour long drive to Gleneagles that we started to get excited.
The hotel itself is gorgeous in a typically British, public school type of way. Think Dead Poet's society, complete with creepers climbing the walls and exotic activities such as Falconry advertised around the grounds. There was even a maze, much to everyone's delight. Plans were made to attempt it in the dark after a few drinks later on, but to my knowledge they never materialised. Everyone was too busy having food fights.
We had a bit of a wait for the crowd who flew from Heathrow's new terminal five. If any of you have been keeping up with the press about that, you'll know it's an absolute balls up, with flights being cancelled or delayed at random. They eventually arrived an hour and half late, which was not too bad, considering I'd previously read a story about a bride who actually missed her own wedding due to the chaos at the airport.
Once everyone was safely inside and had been watered and fed, it was time for speeches. This was the part of the conference where we were supposed to listen, engage and think a bit about the future of our company and what our goals were as a team. In other words, yeah right! We were addressed by our CEO, her deputy and the two senior directors, including Dagwood. What could have been very boring actually turned out to be a funny, cleverly put together presentation that included video clips of staff interviews on all manner of subjects, such as what is our clients' least favourite thing about our company and the top 5 girls and guys - reiminscent of FHM's top 100, but without the bikinis.
After the speeches it was time for class. The theme was Back to School, and our first class of the day was Art. We were divided into teams and given a painting to do. Each team got 5 pieces of canvas which they had to copy, and at the end it was put together to form one giant painting. I was surprised at how therapeutic it felt to paint, having not done so since primary school (unless you count painting my room when I was 16, which was not therapeutic at all, but rather extremely frustrating and painful. Ceilings are not made to be hand-painted).
Then it was on to Sports Day. Still in our teams, we engaged in all sorts of manic races. These ranged from the mundane - sack races, egg & spoon relays and team skiing on wooden planks - to the unusually difficult, including gladiator-style podium combat, life-size fussball and scaling inflatable walls to slide down the other side. We were told to wear trainers for this, but we weren't told it was going to take place in an equestrian hall, which was covered in crumbly mud mixed with obvious horse shit. Almost everyone was in jeans, many were in fancy tops, and alot of the girls were in Ugg boots. I was lucky that mine were very old and very black, and came out looking none the worse for wear. Some other distraught ladies were muttering about compensation for ruined boots, though. They're GENUINE Uggs darling!
After Sports Day, we retreated to the hotel, filthy, smelly and completely elated. It was a brilliant idea for team building, even though several people saw more exercise in two hours than they'd seen in the previous 12 months!
After a shower, it was time to get ready for the dinner party - emphasis on party. Everyone dressed up in their Back to School outfits, and some people went all out. We had an eclectic mix of sports teams, librarians, slutty school girls and teachers, the kids from Fame, Old Skool ravers, the Pink Ladies and even a group of girls who had squeezed into genuine age 13 school dresses. It was fab, the photos are certainly something to behold!
The evening kicked off with pre-dinner drinks and photos in the cocktail lounge, and degenerated from there. By the time we were seated for dinner, Mexican Waves were making their way around the tables and the rolls meant for our soup starters were being ripped to shreds and used for target practice. Sometime during this mayhem, one of our Group Heads managed to mc an Awards Ceremony, in which people were called up to be publicly humiliated. A highlight was one of our Kiwi planners showing us how the New Zealand Haka is really done - and he definitely made his country proud. As people jumped on chairs to give standing ovations and pelted their neighbours with the sweets strewn across the table, the poor waiters attempted to serve us in silver service style. They'd all line up behind our chairs, errant guests ducking and weaving underneath their outstretched arms, and count to three before all simultaneously placing their dishes down on the tables at the same time. They were being jostled and bumped from all directions, and the strain was evident on their faces. Not so my colleagues, who took great delight in running full tilt towards them only to dodge out the way at the last moment, leaving them half paralysed and certainly speechless with shock. I heard one say to another just before main course came out: "This is going to be such a fuck up."
And they were right, it only got worse. Dagwood, dressed in a school nurse outfit complete with curly blonde wig, fishnets and stillettoes, led the main course wars when he picked up one of his bangers from his bangers and mash and propelled it through the air like a missile. That was it - way more banger ended up on the floor and in people's hair than in stomachs. If they didn't want us to behave like 3 year olds, they should not have had a Back to School theme.... although I doubt it would have made a difference.
By the time dessert was served, everyone had pretty much given up all pretence of eating. We were standing in the aisles between tables, preventing the poor waiters from coming anywhere near their destinations with the spotted dick, and dancing to the music over the loudspeakers while snapping away with our cameras. Shortly afterwards we were herded out of the ballroom by some rather stern-faced staff so they could clear up and turn the room into a disco. Out came the tables and up went the flashing lights and disco balls. Bars were set up on either side and barmen were instructed to pour only doubles.
What followed is the predictable carnage whenever drinks and dancing are mixed.... hook-ups, slip-ups, falling over and the odd puking incident. Everyone was steaming drunk and loving every moment. I went to bed sometime around 5, and the latest entry I've heard so far is one guy crawling into his room at 7:45am, just as those who kept their composure were making their way down to the pool for a morning swim.
Despite the incredibly tough journey home - travelling on four hours sleep and a hangover is my new idea of hell - it was a very memorable night and I can only hope that this is not the last we see of them with the take-over imminent.
Oh yes, and the sign of a really successful weekend? We've been banned from ever coming back.
6 comments:
Oh, my god! That sounds like my kind of weekend!!! :)
I'm tagging you. See my blog to find out what this means.
It was one for the books hey. A night never to be forgotten. Thanks for the tag, this is a cool one!
Oh my gosh that is hectic!
I can't believe you caused enough mayhem to get banned! heheheheh
WOOHOO!!!!!!
I want to come work for your company :(
sounds way cool!!
@Miss M - well, you know where to come if tv doesn't work out for you! I have a feeling there might be some openings after the take-over is finalised. ;-)
@sweets - it was awesome!
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