I've just done something that has made me feel extremely guilty, but so very satisfied at the same time. No, I didn't eat a whole slab of chocolate or have sex in a public place - I...wait for it....CULLED MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS!
I went through my friends list, and I DELETED people! It was awesome. And yes, I need a new life, but anything that distracts me from my current one is good in my book. I've wanted to reduce my friends list for ages now. What's the point in having all these people that you never speak to see what is going on in your life? Why should I have to follow news feeds of old school chums I last saw 12 years ago? You get my point. They're not my friends, they're my acquaintances. Part of my history, if you will - a common denominator in the sum of life. I don't have any ill will towards them, but if anything drastic had to happen to them, my universe would not shake on its foundations either.
So I had two criteria for striking people:
1) I do not recognize their name (you'd be surprised how many people I came across that made me go, who the hell???)
2) I have not spoken to them in the last 2 or 3 years / I cannot see myself speaking to them in the next 2 or 3 years
Like a chop, I forgot to check how many friends I had to start off with, but I think it was around 320. I am now the proud owner of 279 friends. If I'm right, that's 41 "friends" who will never irritate me with their meaningless mini-feeds again or have to be subjected to endless photos of me popping up in theirs (there are currently 823 photos of me on facebook; my true friends are exceedingly snap happy).
Damn it feels good! Technically, I could probably elimate 100 more quite easily if I go on the above two criteria alone. But what I did take into account was gut reaction. This came in one of two forms:
1) Oh, I couldn't possibly elimate someone who gave me their last rolo
2) Koos / Fanny might notice and think they've done something to make me hate them
And this is where the guilt and paranoia set in. It's my facebook profile, to do with whatever I want to. I do not have to cave to peer pressure and let every Tom, Dick and Harry into my life. But oh my sweet pink bananas, how terrified I am that I'll crush someone's tender heart. Of course, you might attribute this emotion to a bad case of God Syndrome and assume I think I am the centre of everyone's universe. But it's more like a fear of being disliked - who wants that? Yes, I am seeking professional help for my sad high school kid psyche!!!
Anyway, it was vastly entertaining, and I'm sure I will do another round of cuts in the near future, once I've gotten over the psychological effects of this one.
And tomorrow, I will tell you what's really going on in my life and why I've just written a whole post about facebook instead of what's really bothering me. Today was just too depressing for that conversation.
Now, go and see if you've survived the cut - you know you want to!
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Did She or Didn't She? Only Her Facebook Knows for Sure.
Monday, 18 May 2009
Strange Guy Small Talk 101
A couple of weeks ago, we had a braai at our local pub for Shoes' birthday. One of our friends, Moonface, invited along this dude she met when going to her local butcher for meat. Turns out he was the butcher. So The Butcher pulls in. He has recently arrived in London from SA, has no friends and his girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with him. Essentially MoonFace invited a stray puppy to our braai. Which is absolutely fine. But if you invite a stranger to someone else's party, they are your responsibility, fair and square.
I guess Moonface lost the Stray Puppy Etiquette Handbook. The girl showed up so unbelievably pissed, she couldn't string two words together in a sentence, leaving The Butcher high and dry in a group of strangers. We're a nice bunch, so we made him feel as welcome as we could. Shoes, however, was on his own mission that night, and didn't really speak much to our stray.
Then on Friday, Shoes popped into Sainsburys after work for some food. He was walking towards the queue with his basket when he looked up and noticed The Butcher at the checkout counter. Cue accelerated heart rate and nervous sweating. Shoes is not good at small talk. He did what any guy in his situation would do - he ducked his head and made for the nearest aisle, hoping he was quick enough to avoid detection.
"Shoes. Shooooes! HEY SHOES!!!!!"
Damn it! Spotted!
Resigned to his fate, Shoes turned to face his own personal hell (not The Butcher in particular, just the situation).
Shoes: Hey! Oh hey man, didn't see you there!
The Butcher: For sure, man. Hey! So.....
Shoes: So....
The Butcher: What you up to?
Shoes: Er....shopping dude. Erm, what YOU up to?
The Butcher: Er, shopping too. Obviously. Ha ha.
Shoes: Ha ha.
The Butcher: So...
Shoes: So.... So what do you do hey?
The Butcher: I'm a butcher.
Shoes: Oh right. Of course. We have a friend called Butcher.
The Butcher: Er...say again?
Shoes: Well actually his name's OJ, but we call him the Butcher.
The Butcher: *confused silence*
Shoes: Well I mean, he's not actually a butcher - not like you in any case. He just butchers tracks...never mind. It's not important. **
The Butcher: Er, no.....
Shoes: So....
The Butcher: So....
Shoes: You should come hang out some time. You know, with our group. There's a party next Friday night.
The Butcher: Cool dude, thanks. I might do.
Shoes: Ok, see you around dude!
The Butcher: See ya.
Thank the lord I am a girl with endless reserves of small talk and I don't have awkward moments like that.
**OJ often takes a trance set in mp3 format that is several hours long and cuts it up into individual tracks for us, hence his nickname The Butcher.
Thursday, 30 April 2009
It's a Porker
So, this swine flu. It's all everyone is talking about in the UK (and across the rest of the world, I'm sure), and the masses are starting to show signs of panic as the government warns a pandemic is imminent.
Being a healthy and sturdy South African, I tend to ignore warnings about outbreaks of strange diseases. Mad cow disease? Whatever. I've been eating beef all my life, I wasn't going to stop just because people were getting all hysterical about batty bovines. Bird flu? Yes of course it might kill our feathered friends, but I'm about 50 times their size. I was quite sure I'd live.
This attitude might be a product of my parents' distinctly unsympathetic approach to childhood illness. You feel sick? Got a cough? Sore throat? You better be projectile vomiting from your too-inflamed-to-breathe oesophogus and coughing up blood before you stay home from school. Flu? Stop being a ninny and get out of bed, some people have to work with cancer. They do love me, I'm sure, they were just never going to raise a sickly child. I shudder to think of the consequences had I actually been one! Nevertheless, their method worked - I am quite scornful of mild maladies such as colds and flu. I must develop a raging fever before I take any personal symptoms seriously and even then, I will only take medicine if I feel I may not make it into work in one piece otherwise. I'm not a martyr, just very practical. And completely convinced that my body can fight 95% of anything I catch entirely on its own. So far I have not been wrong, and I have always gotten over my summer-winter sickness without the help of a flu vaccine.
So I haven't given this latest melodrama much thought, despite the fact that you can no longer cough or sniff on the tube without people glaring at you suspiciously. However, I decided to google the latest on swine flu, just for mozzie.
This is what I found:
According to the Department of Health, a pandemic occurs when a new influenza virus, which people have no immunity to, emerges and starts spreading as easily as normal influenza. Swine flu will not become a pandemic until this criteria is met.
Being a healthy and sturdy South African, I tend to ignore warnings about outbreaks of strange diseases. Mad cow disease? Whatever. I've been eating beef all my life, I wasn't going to stop just because people were getting all hysterical about batty bovines. Bird flu? Yes of course it might kill our feathered friends, but I'm about 50 times their size. I was quite sure I'd live.
This attitude might be a product of my parents' distinctly unsympathetic approach to childhood illness. You feel sick? Got a cough? Sore throat? You better be projectile vomiting from your too-inflamed-to-breathe oesophogus and coughing up blood before you stay home from school. Flu? Stop being a ninny and get out of bed, some people have to work with cancer. They do love me, I'm sure, they were just never going to raise a sickly child. I shudder to think of the consequences had I actually been one! Nevertheless, their method worked - I am quite scornful of mild maladies such as colds and flu. I must develop a raging fever before I take any personal symptoms seriously and even then, I will only take medicine if I feel I may not make it into work in one piece otherwise. I'm not a martyr, just very practical. And completely convinced that my body can fight 95% of anything I catch entirely on its own. So far I have not been wrong, and I have always gotten over my summer-winter sickness without the help of a flu vaccine.
So I haven't given this latest melodrama much thought, despite the fact that you can no longer cough or sniff on the tube without people glaring at you suspiciously. However, I decided to google the latest on swine flu, just for mozzie.
This is what I found:
According to the Department of Health, a pandemic occurs when a new influenza virus, which people have no immunity to, emerges and starts spreading as easily as normal influenza. Swine flu will not become a pandemic until this criteria is met.
The worst pandemic of the last century occurred over 1918 to 1919. Often referred to as "Spanish flu", it killed between 20 to 40 million people worldwide. (Hey?????)
The World Health Organisation (WHO) has warned the world is now in the grip of the fifth of six stages in the progression of a pandemic - which would be confirmed at phase six.
If pandemic flu does break out in the UK, the Department of Health gives the "reasonable worst-case scenario" as involving up to half the population falling ill.
The number of deaths could be anywhere between 50,000 and 750,000.
Perhaps, just maybe, I might take this one a little more seriously. Where's that vaccine?
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Stupid People Situation #796
Yesterday I was having trouble paying my tv license online. For some reason, I couldn't get past the first page where I had to fill in my license details. I wasn't too concerned - I have rather strange restrictions on my work pc. While I can go on facebook, gmail and pretty much any porn site I like all day (the porn came up when I was searching for pics of gay men - long story, honest!), I often can't comment on blogs or sometimes even get into my own to post.
So I did what any co-dependent would do - I forwarded the details on to my housemates and asked them to pay it.
Shoes was first to respond. He filled in the online form, including his bank details, only to be told at the end that as the license only expired end of May, it could not be renewed until 1 May. It seemed reasonable enough to us. So imagine our surprise this afternoon when Shoes checked his bank account and found that £142.50 (yes, you get done dry for tv over here) had been deducted by the tv license people. Again, this was not initially a cause for alarm. All I needed was an e-mail copy of the license, and we could forget about it for another year.
Imagine my bewilderment then, when the following conversation took place just half an hour ago:
Lopz: Hi there, I'm calling about a situation with my tv license, blah blah, error message, blah blah, money taken off, rhubarb rhubarb, need e-mail copy please.
TV License Call Centre Employee: Aaaah. Yes ma'm, I'm afraid it's not possible to e-mail you a copy of your license.
Lopz: *sensing Stupid People Situation about to commence* Really? Could you maybe perhaps tell me why that could be?
TVLCCE: Well, we cannot send you a new license until the beginning of the month in which your current license expires.
Lopz: Yes, and I would believe you if you hadn't already filched my money after your website said you couldn't take it. Strange that, isn't it?
TVLCCE: Yes ma'm, I do apologise, it must have been a glitch in our systems.
Lopz: *sensing business opportunity with systems designed to steal unsuspecting customers' money* Wow, what clever systems you have. So just to clarify, you have now taken my money, but you are refusing to give me a license. How are we going to work this one out?
TVLCCE: We will refund your money to you ma'm. Please give us until Friday and keep checking your account. If you have not been issued with a refund by Friday, please call us and we will take necessary action.
Lopz: I have a much better idea. Why don't you wait two days until it is May 1st, and then e-mail me my license? Otherwise I'll have to do all this again on Friday. It's so much less admin for both of us.
TVLCCE: I'm afraid that's impossible ma'm. Our systems do not work that way.
Lopz: So you are seriously going to refund my money, make me wait roughly 36 hours and then force me to go through the process again? I'm giving you an out - I'll ignore protocol until Friday when you can just press send on that little e-mail. Don't tell me you don't see the reason in this.
TVLCCE: I think it is perfectly reasonable, ma'm, but it does not work that way. I'm sorry, this is the procedure we will have to adhere to.
Lopz: *resigning herself to the inevitable* Fine. Fine. Just get that refund through by Friday or I'm charging you interest.
So I did what any co-dependent would do - I forwarded the details on to my housemates and asked them to pay it.
Shoes was first to respond. He filled in the online form, including his bank details, only to be told at the end that as the license only expired end of May, it could not be renewed until 1 May. It seemed reasonable enough to us. So imagine our surprise this afternoon when Shoes checked his bank account and found that £142.50 (yes, you get done dry for tv over here) had been deducted by the tv license people. Again, this was not initially a cause for alarm. All I needed was an e-mail copy of the license, and we could forget about it for another year.
Imagine my bewilderment then, when the following conversation took place just half an hour ago:
Lopz: Hi there, I'm calling about a situation with my tv license, blah blah, error message, blah blah, money taken off, rhubarb rhubarb, need e-mail copy please.
TV License Call Centre Employee: Aaaah. Yes ma'm, I'm afraid it's not possible to e-mail you a copy of your license.
Lopz: *sensing Stupid People Situation about to commence* Really? Could you maybe perhaps tell me why that could be?
TVLCCE: Well, we cannot send you a new license until the beginning of the month in which your current license expires.
Lopz: Yes, and I would believe you if you hadn't already filched my money after your website said you couldn't take it. Strange that, isn't it?
TVLCCE: Yes ma'm, I do apologise, it must have been a glitch in our systems.
Lopz: *sensing business opportunity with systems designed to steal unsuspecting customers' money* Wow, what clever systems you have. So just to clarify, you have now taken my money, but you are refusing to give me a license. How are we going to work this one out?
TVLCCE: We will refund your money to you ma'm. Please give us until Friday and keep checking your account. If you have not been issued with a refund by Friday, please call us and we will take necessary action.
Lopz: I have a much better idea. Why don't you wait two days until it is May 1st, and then e-mail me my license? Otherwise I'll have to do all this again on Friday. It's so much less admin for both of us.
TVLCCE: I'm afraid that's impossible ma'm. Our systems do not work that way.
Lopz: So you are seriously going to refund my money, make me wait roughly 36 hours and then force me to go through the process again? I'm giving you an out - I'll ignore protocol until Friday when you can just press send on that little e-mail. Don't tell me you don't see the reason in this.
TVLCCE: I think it is perfectly reasonable, ma'm, but it does not work that way. I'm sorry, this is the procedure we will have to adhere to.
Lopz: *resigning herself to the inevitable* Fine. Fine. Just get that refund through by Friday or I'm charging you interest.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
It's the Small Things....
Some days are just true diamonds in the rough.
Train driver on empty tube from Kennington this morning:
Good morning ladies and gents! This train was empty on arrival but it takes 1000 people, so pile on, squeeze up and make new friends!
Mass e-mail around my building today:
Hi All-
Sorry for the mass email- although this may apply to everyone and anyone. I've been speaking to a potential client who runs a troupe of midgets/dwarfs/little people-
www.theminiman.co.uk
(that's an example of one of the guys available)
Aside from looking at potentially advertising with us, Mr X was keen to offer their services for parties (big or small), events and photo shoots.
I said I would pass his contact details around in case anyone may want to book them in the future-
Please email Mr X @ alternativepeople@serviceprovider.com or call this number.
Thanks
Train driver on empty tube from Kennington this morning:
Good morning ladies and gents! This train was empty on arrival but it takes 1000 people, so pile on, squeeze up and make new friends!
Mass e-mail around my building today:
Hi All-
Sorry for the mass email- although this may apply to everyone and anyone. I've been speaking to a potential client who runs a troupe of midgets/dwarfs/little people-
www.theminiman.co.uk
(that's an example of one of the guys available)
Aside from looking at potentially advertising with us, Mr X was keen to offer their services for parties (big or small), events and photo shoots.
I said I would pass his contact details around in case anyone may want to book them in the future-
Please email Mr X @ alternativepeople@serviceprovider.com or call this number.
Thanks
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Every Rose Has Its Porn
Every week at our house we have Sunday Night Movie Night, where OJ, Neutrino and more recently, Miss M and sometimes TheArtyOne, come over, fight tooth and nail for a spot on the three seater couch, and watch the movie of the week with us. The routine goes like this:
6pm: Miss M arrives
6:30pm: Much action in the kitchen as the Awesome Foursome and Miss M all try to make dinner at the same time
7:00pm: Neutrino & TheArtyOne arrive
7:30pm: Everyone sits down to dinner
7:50pm: Everyone is finished with dinner and waiting for OJ
8:00pm: MOVIE START TIME...still waiting for OJ
8:15pm: OJ arrives
8:17pm: OJ unpacks his KFC at the table whilst everyone else settles on the couches - fights ensue btw Miss M, Neutrino and TheArtyOne as to who sits where (the first three to arrive get to sit like sardines on the 3 seater. The 4th person has to shame it on the kitchen chair)
8:20pm: Start movie
8:25pm: Pause movie so OJ can go outside for smoke
8:28pm: Play movie
8:30pm: Rewind movie because Miss M and Scarf are talking so loudly no-one can hear
8:31pm: Play movie
8:34pm: Pause movie so Eyes can swap places with Scarf, as he is caught in between her and Miss M (the Axis of Evil) and is being deafened by their "whispers"
8:35pm: Play movie
8:30pm: Pause movie so everyone can argue about who's turn it is to make tea
8:33pm: The unfortunate soul who has been hen-pecked to the point of distraction gets up to make tea. Everyone else up for a toilet break
8:40pm: Tea is delivered
8:41pm: Play movie
8:55pm: Pause movie so OJ can go outside for smoke
And so on and so forth. Finishing a movie at my house is a notable achievement all on its own. Finshing a movie that everyone understands is like finding a rare pink diamond - it ain't gonna happen in this lifetime. We even have trouble with animated films.
This Sunday past can only be described as an Epic Fail. The movie - The International - was a bad copy, and the characters sounded like they were speaking underwater. Two minutes in and we'd all decided it was too bad to watch. You'd think that we'd have been able to find something else pretty easily, given that we have Sky TV (British version of DSTV) and have access to something crazy like 1000 channels (how many of these are actually worth watching is another story altogether). However, after 15 minutes of Britain's Got Talent, which OJ the reality TV hater grumbled throughout, we were at a loss.
Scarf: LET'S WATCH PORN!!!!!
Lopz: No dude, you have to pay for it.
Scarf: LET'S PAY FOR PORN AND WATCH IT!!!!
Everyone: What is wrong with her?
Shoes aka Master of the Remote: *flipping through documentaries* How about the mating habits of the pink-tailed Australian bushbaby?
Scarf: LET'S WATCH ANIMAL PORN!!!!!
Neutrino: Dude, WTF (said double-yoo tee eff)??? Why do you want to watch porn?
Scarf: I don't know, it's what groups of friends do, isn't it?
Everyone: DUDE!!!!
I have weird friends. But not porn-watching ones.
6pm: Miss M arrives
6:30pm: Much action in the kitchen as the Awesome Foursome and Miss M all try to make dinner at the same time
7:00pm: Neutrino & TheArtyOne arrive
7:30pm: Everyone sits down to dinner
7:50pm: Everyone is finished with dinner and waiting for OJ
8:00pm: MOVIE START TIME...still waiting for OJ
8:15pm: OJ arrives
8:17pm: OJ unpacks his KFC at the table whilst everyone else settles on the couches - fights ensue btw Miss M, Neutrino and TheArtyOne as to who sits where (the first three to arrive get to sit like sardines on the 3 seater. The 4th person has to shame it on the kitchen chair)
8:20pm: Start movie
8:25pm: Pause movie so OJ can go outside for smoke
8:28pm: Play movie
8:30pm: Rewind movie because Miss M and Scarf are talking so loudly no-one can hear
8:31pm: Play movie
8:34pm: Pause movie so Eyes can swap places with Scarf, as he is caught in between her and Miss M (the Axis of Evil) and is being deafened by their "whispers"
8:35pm: Play movie
8:30pm: Pause movie so everyone can argue about who's turn it is to make tea
8:33pm: The unfortunate soul who has been hen-pecked to the point of distraction gets up to make tea. Everyone else up for a toilet break
8:40pm: Tea is delivered
8:41pm: Play movie
8:55pm: Pause movie so OJ can go outside for smoke
And so on and so forth. Finishing a movie at my house is a notable achievement all on its own. Finshing a movie that everyone understands is like finding a rare pink diamond - it ain't gonna happen in this lifetime. We even have trouble with animated films.
This Sunday past can only be described as an Epic Fail. The movie - The International - was a bad copy, and the characters sounded like they were speaking underwater. Two minutes in and we'd all decided it was too bad to watch. You'd think that we'd have been able to find something else pretty easily, given that we have Sky TV (British version of DSTV) and have access to something crazy like 1000 channels (how many of these are actually worth watching is another story altogether). However, after 15 minutes of Britain's Got Talent, which OJ the reality TV hater grumbled throughout, we were at a loss.
Scarf: LET'S WATCH PORN!!!!!
Lopz: No dude, you have to pay for it.
Scarf: LET'S PAY FOR PORN AND WATCH IT!!!!
Everyone: What is wrong with her?
Shoes aka Master of the Remote: *flipping through documentaries* How about the mating habits of the pink-tailed Australian bushbaby?
Scarf: LET'S WATCH ANIMAL PORN!!!!!
Neutrino: Dude, WTF (said double-yoo tee eff)??? Why do you want to watch porn?
Scarf: I don't know, it's what groups of friends do, isn't it?
Everyone: DUDE!!!!
I have weird friends. But not porn-watching ones.
Monday, 20 April 2009
Moving On Up
It's Monday morning and I have a serious case of Monday blues, combined with a decent helping of post holiday blues, topped off with the blues that come when you reach a turning point in your life and you're ready for a change, but you are unable to make it. Oops, I think this is turning into a serious discussion of my life post!*
Basically, I am ready to call time on my London experience. I've had a three and a half year run and it has been awesome. But in three and a half years, a lot has changed. I've gotten older - I will be 30 in 10 months (yes I know you're not supposed to count up like that; I should be saying I STILL have 10 months LEFT of being 29, but whatever!). I'm starting to get tired of the constant partying. I look at my peer group on facebook and find myself coveting what they have: a surburban life in Cape Town complete with house, dogs and kids. I am so ready to be a mom; I would love to have a baby and I want to get married and settle down. I've always wanted those things, but for the first time I find myself wanting them more than I want to travel and life the young, free and careless lifestyle that we do over here.
I can say with absolute certainty that I've gotten everything out of my 20's that I could possibly have wanted. A few years ago when Shoes and I talked about this, we were so scared of getting old and being boring. We did everything we could to stay young and feel like we were the same age as the majority of our peer group (I would say the average age now of my group of friends here is 26 - Shoes and I are the eldest couple at nearly 28 and 29 respectively). We didn't want to be the ones to settle down when everyone else was still having the time of their lives. I admit I used to really worry about that - would we still be living it large at 33/34 just so we could match the pace of our friends' lives? Would we start feeling like those creepy 40-somethings that go out clubbing among groups of scantily-clad 20-something girls? Would we feel like we were trying too hard to hold onto something that was already gone? I have no issue with people in their mid-30's living the life that we do now...some of my best friends are 30-something, single and can out-party me. But for me - for us - it was a cause for concern because we've always known we wanted a family, and we didn't want to leave it too late.
What I didn't count on is that nature has a way of telling you when you're ready for the next step, friends and family plans be damned! Now I find that what my friends do no longer matters to me. What matters is that I know what I want, and I'm no longer afraid of being the only couple in my group to take that step and make a home. Of course there's something called a biological clock that has a lot to do with what I'm feeling, but it's more than that. It's the realisation that what we're doing now, the way we're living - while it has been absolutely incredible and I have memories of this time that I will revisit with joy for the rest of my life, it will never be enough for me. I want more than this - or less, if you want to be technical.
So there you go - this is the moment that I know for sure I am ready to leave London. One of my dreams has always been to go to Thailand, and I know I'm ready to go home because for the first time I want that more than I want Thailand, and I'd be prepared to scrap that trip if it would help me get home faster.
BUT....
With all choices, there are conditions, quid pro quos, or just bloody obstacles! Mine is that I can only apply for my British passport end of next year. Whether or not to wait is more my decision than Shoes' because he already has his passport, and can travel freely around the world. If I decided not to wait, he'd be on board with that. However, I decided a while ago that I wouldn't leave without one, and I'm sticking to that. I want it for many reasons, but that is a whole other post.
So, after all that, the earliest we can look at going home is end of next year, once I've applied. It can take up to 6 months to get the passport, but sometimes it takes 2, so we'll hope for the best. What we at least can do now is work out a timeline of goals for ourselves between now and then.
It's going to be hard, waiting another year and a half when all I want is to get on a plane tomorrow. But, since I don't have a choice, I have to get myself into a space where I can enjoy the last months of my time here, as I never want it said I wasted two years of my life moping.
*I meant to write about our failed Sunday movie night last night, but sometimes these things just get away from you! Will post on that tomorrow.
Basically, I am ready to call time on my London experience. I've had a three and a half year run and it has been awesome. But in three and a half years, a lot has changed. I've gotten older - I will be 30 in 10 months (yes I know you're not supposed to count up like that; I should be saying I STILL have 10 months LEFT of being 29, but whatever!). I'm starting to get tired of the constant partying. I look at my peer group on facebook and find myself coveting what they have: a surburban life in Cape Town complete with house, dogs and kids. I am so ready to be a mom; I would love to have a baby and I want to get married and settle down. I've always wanted those things, but for the first time I find myself wanting them more than I want to travel and life the young, free and careless lifestyle that we do over here.
I can say with absolute certainty that I've gotten everything out of my 20's that I could possibly have wanted. A few years ago when Shoes and I talked about this, we were so scared of getting old and being boring. We did everything we could to stay young and feel like we were the same age as the majority of our peer group (I would say the average age now of my group of friends here is 26 - Shoes and I are the eldest couple at nearly 28 and 29 respectively). We didn't want to be the ones to settle down when everyone else was still having the time of their lives. I admit I used to really worry about that - would we still be living it large at 33/34 just so we could match the pace of our friends' lives? Would we start feeling like those creepy 40-somethings that go out clubbing among groups of scantily-clad 20-something girls? Would we feel like we were trying too hard to hold onto something that was already gone? I have no issue with people in their mid-30's living the life that we do now...some of my best friends are 30-something, single and can out-party me. But for me - for us - it was a cause for concern because we've always known we wanted a family, and we didn't want to leave it too late.
What I didn't count on is that nature has a way of telling you when you're ready for the next step, friends and family plans be damned! Now I find that what my friends do no longer matters to me. What matters is that I know what I want, and I'm no longer afraid of being the only couple in my group to take that step and make a home. Of course there's something called a biological clock that has a lot to do with what I'm feeling, but it's more than that. It's the realisation that what we're doing now, the way we're living - while it has been absolutely incredible and I have memories of this time that I will revisit with joy for the rest of my life, it will never be enough for me. I want more than this - or less, if you want to be technical.
So there you go - this is the moment that I know for sure I am ready to leave London. One of my dreams has always been to go to Thailand, and I know I'm ready to go home because for the first time I want that more than I want Thailand, and I'd be prepared to scrap that trip if it would help me get home faster.
BUT....
With all choices, there are conditions, quid pro quos, or just bloody obstacles! Mine is that I can only apply for my British passport end of next year. Whether or not to wait is more my decision than Shoes' because he already has his passport, and can travel freely around the world. If I decided not to wait, he'd be on board with that. However, I decided a while ago that I wouldn't leave without one, and I'm sticking to that. I want it for many reasons, but that is a whole other post.
So, after all that, the earliest we can look at going home is end of next year, once I've applied. It can take up to 6 months to get the passport, but sometimes it takes 2, so we'll hope for the best. What we at least can do now is work out a timeline of goals for ourselves between now and then.
It's going to be hard, waiting another year and a half when all I want is to get on a plane tomorrow. But, since I don't have a choice, I have to get myself into a space where I can enjoy the last months of my time here, as I never want it said I wasted two years of my life moping.
*I meant to write about our failed Sunday movie night last night, but sometimes these things just get away from you! Will post on that tomorrow.
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