Go Fish!

In the media industry, normal professional standards and/or conduct that exist in other industries often do not apply. The people tend to be creatively brilliant but socially outrageous, and the propensity for inappropriateness is huge. Take my company dress code, for example. There is none. I am perfectly welcome to arrive at work in a bum-skimming mini skirt and thigh high boots. Not only will this not cause so much as a facial tic of disapproval, it will probably result in compliments from both sexes. Women can wear boob tube tops and dresses or tiny shorts and hooker heels. Guys can wear muscle displaying vests and jeans slung so low we can see their Calvin Kleins. To be fair, not many people actually dress like this every day, but most people have one "Daring Day" a week where they push the envelope.

The bestowing of nicknames is another defining characteristic of media. I have, just in my range of vision alone, the following people working alongside me (both male and female): Shadey, Woody, Dagwood, Siggy, Ferret, Mids, Simpy and Jonesy. And these are not nicknames for blogging purposes - they are the names used exclusively to communicate with the person in question. In fact, if you call the person by their given name, they are unlikely to respond. In certain instances, even clients refer to these people by their nicknames.

As far as office communication goes, it is a general free for all as long as it stays within the company. Obviously we do not advocate sending chain mails of a deviant nature to our clients, but if it's within a department or even across departments, it can get as dodgy or dirty as we like and there are no repercussions. The directors are among the worst perpetrators, and often instigate these chain mails for their own amusement.

Mass e-mails are a regular feature of my day. Because we are encouraged to work across teams and share ideas, we regularly get e-mails like this one:

Everybody please think of 5 questions that guys would know the answers to but girls would not, and vice versa.

OR

When I say the words 'seaside', 'holiday' and 'sunshine', what is the first thing you think of? (A choice answer: Fuck off, this is London.)

The idea is to have an entire department help come up with creative ideas for a pitch, as a few hundred heads work better than 1. Of course, wherever there is permission for free reign, there are going to be those that abuse the privilege. As such, we also get mass e-mails from people offering rooms to rent, items to sell, sexual favours in return for a blackberry charger or iguanas for rehoming (this really happened). The biggest mistake you can make in this company is to walk away from your pc without logging off. If you do so, you can be sure you will return to find that 'you' have sent out a mass e-mail of a serious reputation-damaging nature to all 1000 of your colleagues (when counting everyone in all stations across the UK). Since few people can resist the temptation to turn one of these e-mails into a competition re who can be the wittiest, we invariably end up with banter that borders either on the obscene or just plain ridiculous.

Here is a ridiculous one from yesterday:

Colleague 1: Apologies for the mass mail...I've got a 75 litre fishtank for sale which comes with stand, halogen light, filter, heater, water treatment agents, remainder of the fishfood I have and, should you want them, even the fish themselves! All totalled in, it's worth around £200. I need a quick sale as I move to Australia in 2 weeks so I'm happy to take the best offer I get. If you're interested, drop me a note or give me a call.
Colleague 2: Can we have your all time top ten fishes please?
Colleague 3: Fish and chips
Colleague 4: Michael Fish
Colleague 5: Nemo
Colleague 6: Fish called Wanda
Colleague 7: Punky Fish!!
Colleague 8: How about, lets FIniSH this.
Colleague 9: THE FISH ARE ALL DEAD LOL
Colleague 10: And Bill has them on the menu next week.........(Bill is our canteen chef; he creates weekly menus of tasty dishes for us)
Colleague 11: Fish cakes?
Colleague 12 (very cranky): Can this stop now please!
Colleague 13: This one…followed by pic of a great white shark chomping an unfortunate man
Colleague 14: The Monkeyface, Prickleback or the Hogsucker. I can assure you, they are real.
Colleague 15 (also cranky): please stop mass sending these!!!
Security (even they get copied in): You're all sad people who don't have a life .Please stop clogging up our inboxes with foolish messages. SECURITY
Colleague 16: Speaking of fish, this is a little bit random, but does anyone have a fish tank for sale?
Colleague 17: Can we now put this to bed:
1. Moby Dick "That ain't no whale; that a great white god!"
2. A Fish Called Wanda "A tale of murder, lust, greed, revenge, and seafood"
3. Jaws "You're gonna need a bigger boat"
4. Rumble Fish "If you're going to lead people, you have to have somewhere to go"
5. Laurence Fish-Burne "Don't you get it Motherf****er"
6. The Fisher King "Holding my penis... what a wonderful way of saying how much you like me"
7. Eddie Fisher sings the Hits....
8. Orca the Whale - that's not a fish, that's a mammal!
9. Fishing by JR Hartley
10. Fishing for compliments - (insert name of colleague)
Colleague 18: Apologies for kicking off the last 15 minutes of email time wasting, I didn't mean fishes I meant pies....

Just another day in the office. ;-)