The Ides Of March

March is a difficult month for us. It seems like in South Africa, June is the month where everyone is the most bored, cold and probably broke and so, having nothing else to do, they spend their time shagging themselves senseless. I say this because half the people I know seem to be born in March.

Take a look at my family alone: my dad, my sister, 2 of my cousins, Mark's younger sister and I are all March babies. Then extend that to my current circle of friends in London and we have Eyes, OJ and Mello as well, making a grand total of 9 birthdays that I have to celebrate in one month. Luckily, being overseas excludes one from receiving birthday presents (sorry family, I do love you but my budget doesn't), so it's only 3 presents to buy and four parties to attend. Unless I buy myself a present as well, which I sometimes do when Shoes is in a pickle about what to get me. He should have learnt by now though - whatever I get will cost 4 times the amount he would have spent. Still, every year we have the same scenario:

Shoes: Lopz, what do you want for your birthday?
Lopz: I don't know, surprise me.
Shoes (looking stressed): But I don't know what to get you!
Lopz: I'm so easy to buy for! Jewellery - preferably white gold, clothes, fluffy teddies, shoes, handbags, clothes, shoes, books.....did I mention shoes?
Shoes: But those are all girly things! How am I supposed to know your taste?
Lopz (muttering under her breath): I don't know, maybe because we've been together for 7 and a half years? (aloud) But babe, you're so good at picking out shoes! You're amazing! In fact, you should become a professional shoe consultant. (NB: I'm actually not kidding here. By some weird genetic mix-up, Shoes has an uncanny knack for picking out very sexy, cutting edge woman's shoes which unbelievably do not look like they belong to a stripper. He definitely got given a female strand of DNA)
Shoes: I don't want to be a shoe consultant! I'm a man. Don't make me do it. I'm going to go and build something now. (heads off to pathetic looking tool box and tinkers with screwdrivers)

So in a huff, I give up trying to make him surprise me and go shopping instead. Which, nine times out of ten, I actually prefer. But it's nice to be surprised occasionally. This year we have settled on Def Leppard tickets. It's not a surprise, but DL are one of my favourite bands in the world, and after missing them in Cape Town I never thought I'd get the chance to see them again. Shoes isn't even going with me (not his scene at all) but one of my oldest friends Griff, who actually introduced me to the band and is responsible for my resulting passion, has agreed to do the honours. To be honest, most of my friends are like, Def Who? No, I'm not getting old at all.

We're usually pretty conservative about our birthday celebrations. Even though our group of friends is always up for a piss-up, drinking in swanky London clubs dents your bank account quite seriously. We therefore have one big joint celebration, usually towards the end of the month, that everyone is expected to attend. Then throughout March are smaller, more informal gatherings of the troupes to celebrate an individual's birthday. Now as a partygoer, if you want to get out of buying someone a present or getting shit-faced at yet another birthday party, the trick is to "make plans" in advance for every weekend and then "cancel" last minute if you decide you actually feel like seeing that person / can get away with buying them a drink instead of a gift. For the birthdayees, we have to make our bash the coolest, cheapest and most original in order to get our mates to come. It's like a party-off.

So far OJ is winning this year's competition. He had the (much admired) cheek to merge his party with some of his work pals who are also March-born, and then invite us along for the ride. So now, if we bail, we show him up in front of his workmates, who are all inviting their friends. Sneaky sneaky. How can I top this one?