Mercy

I'm reading a book called Mercy by Jodi Picoult, and it deals with 2 main topics simultaneously - mercy killings and infidelity. As with all Picoult novels, the book is very character-focussed, and has a few main characters whose actions and decisions over a period of time heavily influence each other's lives. I adore Jodi Picoult - she puts into words what many of us are afraid to say, or even afraid to feel. She always deals with difficult and controversial topics that force you to examine where you stand on an issue.

And that's really what this post is about today - reading Mercy has made me contemplate in depth how I feel about infidelity. As far as mercy killings go, that is a non-issue for me. I believe in a person's right to die, and I believe that if someone assists them out of love and compassion, that person is guilty of nothing except displaying the kind of courage most of us probably don't have. In the case of mercy killings, I am a prosecutor's nightmare. But infidelity is another thing altogether. Of course it's wrong, I'm not questioning that. What I have been questioning since starting this book is whether or not I'd be able to live with it if it reared it's ugly head in my life. I think most of us, at one time or another, have wondered what we would do if we found out our significant other was cheating on us.

For me, I've always been on the fence about it. It goes without saying that I would be broken, devastated, hurt beyond comprehension, if I found Shoes had been sleeping with someone else. When your partner chooses someone else over you, no matter how long for, trust is irreparrably damaged, self esteem shattered and the easy dynamic between a long-term couple lost forever. But I have always asked myself the question: would it be worse to stay with him and try to rebuild things, knowing that I'd still love him despite what he'd done and that it might be enough to get us through it? Or would it be worse to watch him walk out of my life forever?

I suppose it's hard to imagine if you've never been in that situation. I've been cheated on before, but he was a drug addict and I hated him more than I ever loved him, so it wasn't the same thing. Shoes is the love of my life, and I've never had even the tiniest reason to doubt him, ever. So it's impossible to gauge how my feelings would change if he did the unthinkable, because I can't imagine him doing it at all.

The thing is, I've always leaned towards the idea of second chances. I don't know why I think I might be able to salvage a relationship from the ashes if this happened to me, but I've entertained the idea that this would be the lesser of 2 evils. I just can't imagine my life without Shoes, no matter which way I look at it.

Then I started reading this book. It is the man who has the affair, with a strange woman who comes to town and who ends up as his wife's shop assistant. And I can tell you, I have never hated a character in a book more than I hate this one. Everytime the author focusses on him, I can't help a sneer stealing across my face. I am rooting for all sorts of terrible things to happen to him - for him to die in a car accident, for his wife to leave him once and for all (she is undecided at this point in the story, although she knows everything), for him to get an incurable disease and die a slow, painful death. The strength of my feelings towards this character have taken me completely by surprise.

Of course, in the story his wife is just lovely, and doesn't appear to have told so much as a half-lie in her whole life. And he embarks on the affair with total disregard for her, and treats her badly during his indiscretion as a result of his guilt. So they do play very much the sterotypical roles, and in real life, I'm sure that many times it is not that black and white.

Still though. If I feel hatred and utter contempt towards a fictional character in a book, how much more would I feel that towards a real life person - my person? And would it make a difference at all that I love him? Interesting, though-provoking. I'm now leaning towards total non-acceptance, if it happened to me.

What would you do?