Working Class

I am still trying to find a new job. I have been doing a lot of talking recently about leaving my company, and a fair amount of online searching, but I get the distinct impression that as far as my recruitment agency goes, my agent is hoping that if she leaves me hanging for long enough, I will give up in frustration and just resign myself to a career of crippling boredom.

Job hunting is a stressful thing, no matter how experienced you are or how many degrees you have behind your name. Here in London, it seems that it should be easier than it actually is, especially as Recruitment is a booming business with its finger welded onto the pulse of the current job markets; there may now actually be more recruitment agencies than companies to work for. Smiling, professional agents rush you through your standard tests (how to copy and paste in Word and do a "sum of" formula in Excel) and military style interview, on completion of which they promise you that you are 'an excellent candidate' and they're 'certain they'll be able to find a role suited to you.' And that's it. No, really. You are unlikely to ever hear from them again. The day you walk out of your interview, while your face is fresh in their minds, you might find you get a few calls in the afternoon with some offers. But beware, future agency-joiners - this is your window period, and if you are lucky enough to get offered a job on this day - TAKE IT, because hesitating will guarantee that your file is dropped into a black hole with no ladder. Thereafter, the only way to make use of your agency's services is to stalk one or preferably several of the agents, using a variety of increasingly threatening e-mails (My other agency has this WONDERFUL job lined up, but I wanted to talk to you first before I make a decision) and irritatingly persisent phone calls (Lopz: Hi, it's Lopz, can I speak to Emma please? Receptionist: Didn't you phone five minutes ago? For the 5th time this hour? Lopz: Did I, really? I could have sworn I called.... oh well, can I speak to her anyway?).

If you are lucky enough to get hold of your elusive agent, prepare yourself to be blown off in such a nice way, you will not immediately realize you are being blown off (You really have such great qualifications, it would be shame to put you in an admin role - I think we should wait until something more challenging comes in, it won't be more than a day or two). You'll be glowing with praise at how highly they rate you, and before you can say 'on the dole', you're off the phone and still unemployed - and because you've tracked them down for that one phone call, you can be sure they'll go into hiding for at least a week.

Recruitment agents are as skilled as politicians in their glib promises; as wily as foxes in escaping your traps to pin them down; as compassionate as mother birds who are about to throw their chicks out the nest for their first flying lesson. It is with great trepidation that I take my leave to try mine again.....

Weird story of the day: Honey, I broke my penis! Just how hard was he thrusting???!?!??!?!